a hole, a space, a void

I was talking with a friend the other day about how people come to the decision of what to do after they finish college. We got into this long, analytic discussion that lasted a few hours of back and forth over IM. The long story short is that they were wondering what helps people decide if they should get married, buy a house, what type of career to pursue, should they have children....etc. This whole conversation came about because he noticed that many of his friends made these decisions and afterwards, they still didn't seem happy or satisfied.

My theory on this phenomenon comes from personal experience and quite a few hours of soul searching on the very same topic. As a person who didn't put much thought into some of these life decisions, I have some strong opinions on why people sometimes make these huge changes in their lives without really considering all the details. My theory is this-We have this idea that life is not really a menu to choose from, but a series of hurdles we must clear. We see most people go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids and think that somewhere in there-we will find happiness. After doing a few of those things myself and finding that happiness was not magically waiting on the other side.....I came to the conclusion that there had to be another way. So, as we talked about this I explained that I think that people are inherently lonely. And that many people feel like they have this empty hole, or space, or void that is inside of them. So, they go around trying to find things to fill the void- cars, spouses, kids, money, and jobs. After all of this effort, they still are unhappy because that void can't be filled by anything external. I think that maybe the void is a lack of self. If you don't know yourself and who you are you won't have the ability to be happy.

The next day I got a package in the mail from Sam. She sent me the book The Used World by Haven Kimmel. In the very first chapter, the character is talking to a therapist and says,”There is something missing in my life. I wake up everyday and it's the first thing I notice. I wake up in the middle of the night, actually. Sometimes the hole in the day is big, it seems to cover everything, and sometimes it's like a series of pinpricks."

I found this passage incredibly moving. It really spoke to the way that I feel about life in general. That isn't to say that I walk around feeling empty. But, I have been actively seeking what I need to understand or learn to feel less of a void. It must be a process because none of it comes quickly. But, it was nice to see the words in print. It made me feel a little better.