I am a Clementine

Hopefully my dear readers are familiar with the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. If you have not seen it, I suggest you do, and then allow yourself to read this entry-because it is a spoiler.

Joel and Clementine have broken up. Their relationship was a lifeless existence where they were sucking the life out of one another’s souls. In a fit of anger, Clementine decides to undergo a procedure that will erase every memory and association she has relating to her partnership with Joel. Once Joel discovers what Clementine has done, he decides to undergo the same procedure to spite her. In the process of his memory elimination Joel realizes his memories are precious and he doesn’t want to lose Clementine. The procedure does work and his memories are erased. But, even after his memories have been erased, he seeks out Clementine and they rediscover the spark that joined them in the first place. In a cruel twist of fate the truth is revealed to the couple-they had once been in love and came to a stagnant and fermenting state. In the face of this discovery, they decide to give it another try.

I would argue the fundamental question that the film poses is- If given the opportunity, would you erase painful memories of a failed relationship?

I think most people come down on the side of one camp or the other. You would erase the memories that hurt you most, or you hold those memories dear and know they shaped you into the person you are today.

Well, I am a member of Clementine’s camp. I want to erase them all. I want to erase all the hurt along with the joy because I can’t seem to appreciate the joy enough to counteract the hurt. In nearly every arena of my life I like to call my self a hopeful optimist, but in relationships I think I am a magical optimist. I have an intuitive feeling that I can help that person transform into what they might like to be, or what I see them as. This has back fired a couple of times. Truthfully, it has failed every time. And, if the memory machine came rolling down my block, I would be the first person to sign up. I would prefer my memories cast no shadow on my daily life. I don’t want to see what is behind me, or what is in front of me, I only want to see what is here right now. I would erase my memories with the knowledge that maybe they could happen again-like they do in the film-because I would rather be haunted by my present choices instead of my past mistakes.

A strange stance from a seemingly sentimental girl.