Old Friends

Last week I took a friend over to meet my Grandma. He couldn't wait to put a face to the countless stories that she has inspired. Barb (my Grandma) is a woman that instantly sets a stranger at ease. The moment you meet her she makes immediate connection. Typically it is with a comment on your appearance (she loves your hair, your outfit, the length of your eyelashes) and instantly you love her. She is a special lady and I doubt there is a person in her entourage that would disagree. This afternoon was no different, and after about five minutes, Barb had added another dedicated member to her fan club. It came as no surprise to me.

We enjoyed a little dinner and conversation. Barb proceeded with a full interview and got to know her new friend. I always find it amusing how quickly she gathers information about some of the most intimate details of people's lives. I listened carefully as she extracted my pal's life story and found that even though I already knew most of the details, I gained a better understanding of why we were friends. Barb brings out the best and most vulnerable in people and I think that is why people love her instantly. She creates a safe cocoon and gains your trust. This is a fine trait.

We moved onto the living room and I pulled out a few of her old photo albums to show off some childhood photos. Inevitably I came across photos from her younger days, when she was a fetching blonde with the world's brightest smile. There was this beautiful photo of her in a satin ball gown that paled in comparison to anything Grace Kelly ever wore. She began to reminisce about the picture and it spun into a tale....

Grandma worked at the gas company after high school. She lived at home with her parents because she spent every penny of her check-and a few from her mothers pocketbook-on luxuries. The year was 1954 and Barb was at the height of fashion. Every week she had her hair and nails done. She shopped at Hudsons for all her clothes, along with matching hats, shoes, and a lipstick or two. The photo we had discovered depicted a trip she had taken to NYC and stayed with her galpals at the Waldorf-Astoria. One of her friends on the trip was a woman named Elaine. Elaine was pretty much the polar opposite of Barb. She was frugal, saved money, didn't have her hair set each Friday. Although they were very different ladies, a bond formed between them. Long after Grandma's days of fancy dresses and taking a cab to work to avoid the rain, (she traded this lifestyle for diapers and catholic school tuition for her four children), Elaine and Grandma remained friends. They had their own lives as adults, and didn't see one another often, but their bond of being young and careless was a delightful touchstone they loved visiting whenever they had the chance. In their 50's they set Vegas on fire in kitschy rhinestoned outfits and with laughs of old times. The bond was there, even when they were states away from one another.

A few weeks ago Grandma heard from Elaine's daughter, and learned her friend was in very poor health and nearing the end. Elaine was insistent that she did not want visitors to see her in this condition, so Grandma asked if she could maybe writer her a letter. Elaine's daughter thought it was a wonderful idea, and Grandma took her time writing her dear friend a final letter. Grandma is no stranger to losing people she loves, and it seems that it is happening too frequently. But, in her strong and stoic style she sent the letter off in the mail and sealed it with love (and a kiss- I always imagine she seals all letters with kisses)

Elaine's daughter called when the letter came, but, not with good news. Elaine had passed before the letter reached her. Grandma was just devastated. Even Elaine's letter would never reach her, the sentiment was not lost. After her daughter got off the phone with Grandma, she went into her Mom's room to tell her about the conversation. At this point Elaine wasn't able to speak and that was why her daughter had called Grandma. Her daughter told Grandma that she took her mother's hand and told her that Grandma sent her love and was going to write her a letter. When Elaine heard the news she smiled and began to cry. Elaine's daughter told Grandma that she took the letter and placed it in her mother's casket.

Now, there are a million stories I could tell to demonstrate the incredible capacity my Grandma has to make people feel loved and trusted. But, this was one of those times that I felt so proud to have her as one of the best examples of vulnerability and compassion that you could ever hope for. An hour or so after she met my friend, she sat in her chair and revealed a very personal story. She opened up her heart in front of someone most would have considered a stranger. As she told this tale, she began to cry, and I remembered why she is so special-this lady loves like no other.

It is a week later and this story has weighed heavily on my mind. It reminded me of the Simon and Garfunkel song "Old Friends". This was always one of my favorites of theirs because it evokes this feeling of loss inside of me. The song is about two friends and their bond over a life-long friendship. Every time I heard the song as a teenager, I would wonder what my friendship with my best friend would be like as we grew older. Vanessa was my closest confidant and I think she might have loved Simon and Garfunkel just as much as I did, and heck, maybe more. In our years together, I never once heard her sing-and I don't think I ever stopped singing. Time passed, we went in different directions, but each time I hear a bar of S&G it is like she is right beside me. Today is her birthday. I haven't talked to her in over a year and I feel so guilty, because she is on my mind all the time. After I heard the story of Grandma and Elaine, I realized it was time to reach out because the days will keep on rushing by and life is too short to not take the time.

There is a little reprise to "Old Friends" called the "Bookends Theme". The lyrics are-

Time it was and what a time it was
It was a time of innocence, a time of confidences.
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph-
Preserve your memories, their all that's left you.

So, Happy Birthday old friend. My memories of youthful innocence and your laughter are getting a little faded, we should find a way to freshen them sometime very soon.